Where have I been? Well, I don’t really know… The holidays came and went, winter was in full force, political history was made, and the pandemic STILL seems to be present. While all this was going on, I, along with many others, have been going with the flow and forgetting that there is life to live. Don’t get me wrong, I’m living life every day, but really have I been living it to my full potential?
I don’t know about you, but for myself- when late winter hits, it can become hibernation time, and this year has been exceptionally cold and snowy which really doesn’t come with much desire to be out and about. On top of the winter blues, we add the limited things socially because of the pandemic and well- here we are.
I feel I’ve come to a strange place in my life. Throughout last summer and fall I was feeling so whole, like I really found my inner self- calm, at peace, and relaxed. Well, that’s honestly kind of gone to the waste side. While the first step is recognizing that a change needs made, which I have recognized. It becomes quite difficult to make that change when you aren’t quite sure what the change needs to be! For myself, I know how I want to feel- good, rested, at peace… but for some reason I don’t feel that. I’m happy with my life and day to day activity but I can feel my old patterns like lack of confidence, lack of relaxation, constant worrying, and lack of ease present in my life. I am short with my family members, always tired, and constantly thinking about the future.
Well you know what, I’m sick of it- I’m ready to be back to that fly by the seat of my pants happy go lucky person. I want to laugh, have fun, and not take things so seriously. I want to be at peace!
So, the question remains, how? How do I get there and what exactly needs to change in my life? Well, inquiring minds would love to know (haha), especially since my old techniques that I’ve talked about in the past don’t seem to be bringing me back to where I want to be.
The honest to goodness only way I am finding to get that change I want, is start small and have patience… something I don’t have a lot of! I find when I need a change, like I do presently, I want it NOW- overnight. Well, it doesn’t happen that way. I didn’t get out of my place of peace overnight and I’m not going to get full change overnight. I might find here or there for a short or longer period that I’ve made it over the hump and that change has happened, but for it to be permanent, I just need to be patient. I need to take baby steps, to decide if my life decisions will allow me to feel what I want to feel! It’s important to stop comparing to what was and focus on the NOW which is the only moment we are in and can control. In doing that we will eventually be able to reflect and see overall growth instead of just moments of daily growth.
All in all, I just need to keep going, staying in alignment with my goal and know what I want while working to get there. Will I need to change my priorities on a day to day basis to get to the change I want? Of course! Should I not be so hard on myself if I ‘slip up’? No, I shouldn’t! As humans, on any given day, priorities always change to fit situations or what we want. Humans are not perfect; therefore, if we stay aligned with knowing what we want- we will get there, even with slip ups.
I know this post has been short and sweet, but I know I’m not alone in my feelings and want you to know you are not alone either. I leave you with this- Annie Dillard once said, “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives”. I think this quote speaks volumes and may even make you think twice about how you spend your days!
