Living through a pandemic has not been easy in so many ways, but I think probably a giant way many are struggling in one way or another, is connecting with your significant other. 

This pandemic has changed so many things!  Instead of a date night out getting drinks, going to a movie, going to a concert and all those other great things, it’s become a world of lounge clothes and staying in. It’s become a necessity to be consumed with household responsibilities, binge watching TV, and being around the same people in your household 24/7.

While all of the changes have been great in some ways, because lord knows WE ALL needed to slow down, get to know ourselves, and spend time with family it also becomes easy to miss your significant other even though he or she is right there with you ALL THE TIME! 

There are so many emotions that have come with this pandemic… sadness, confusion, anger, frustration. After all, life as we knew it came to halt and everyone’s lives were turned upside down. Pre-pandemic life was so busy that most of us lost our creativity of how to spend true family time together, let alone quality time with our partners without having all the extracurricular activities basically doing the work for us!

One would think spouses quarantined together during a pandemic would give each person enough quality time with one another- but since that time being spent is different, it doesn’t always meet the needs we are seeking. 

My husband and I were never unhappy and never fighting during the quarantine. We were happy as clams living life together with our family and adjusting as a family to the change of the new norm. 

After months of being home, we were able to catch up on household tasks that we normally wouldn’t have time for. Completing those tasks allowed us even more free time throughout the summer- since summer was normally the time that we would try to do most of our work. 

Luckily for us, we are fortunate to have a property in the mountains where we could go to… Once the quarantining had lessened and the virus seemed to subside a little, my husband and I finally decided to travel up north to our getaway. After a long weekend, we both realized how much we had needed that. We needed ‘us’ time. It was different than the time we spent at home. Without even realizing it, we needed to reset our connection too, we were lacking time together! We needed to walk in nature together and to spend time doing nothing together. This time was different than the time spent at home because we were both on the same page and it was truly just quality time… we did things together not because we had to but because we wanted to!

Eventually, we found doing small things to replace date nights, essentially making our own, was important.  Fortunately, this came very naturally as we do a lot together anyway, but it wasn’t easy all the time and it certainly is not that easy for everyone. Afterall, I’m basically telling you to reinvent date night. This takes creativity and requires true effort from both spouses. The whole reinvention of date night kind of reminds me of a teenage relationship that is limited in financial freedom or car privileges. It’s being creative to form the romance that fits your relationship! 

In creating a closer relationship in general or through date nights, it takes two to tango! Since it takes two, it’s so important to communicate with your partner. While something may seem completely apparent to you, your partner could be totally missing the point. You cannot expect your partner to know what you are thinking or worse, feeling… If your partner doesn’t realize you feel there is romance, a date night, or anything missing from your relationship, then how can it be fixed? 

Here are some tips to increase your quality time together, to use as a date night, or whatever your relationship needs- but the honest key is- you BOTH must be on the same page. Just as I implied above, you can’t expect your spouse to know what you need. He or she doesn’t have a crystal ball, you can’t expect your need to be fulfilled if you don’t provide insight as to what is missing, how you feel, or what you want. Honestly, if you both truly put in an effort with any time you have together, you should feel better.

1. Make a date on the calendar. Even though this won’t be a going out of the house date… still pencil it in on your calendar as if it were. 
   
2. Pick a meal out and cook it from scratch together. Turn on some music, have a glass of wine, and follow a recipe! Teamwork is a great way to connect!
   
3. Explore nature. Take a long walk outside together, just the two of you. It’s a great place that will bring out your feelings of daily life and give you the chance to have some alone time and share your feelings.
   
4. Find a project. Find a project around the house or something DIY to make. This is another way to increase your teamwork and that connection while doing something inventive together.
   
5. Go out to dinner at home! Set the dining room table, order out from your favorite restaurant, turn on music in the background, and pretend you are there but in your own home. It could be a great get away!
   
6. Sit underneath the stars! If the temperature and location is right… go outside at night, sit underneath the stars and just ‘be’. Take a blanket out and lay on the ground. It can create an amazing connection where you two feel like you are the only two in the world looking up in the sky.
   
7. Take a ride. Get in the car and go for a ride… maybe one of you has a surprise to stop and get ice cream, maybe you want to explore a location you haven’t driven in a long time. Regardless of where you go, you will be making new memories together.

Remember, your thoughts are your thoughts, not your partners. Another way to increase your relationship with your spouse is by understanding the love language present in your life. This will increase your ability to feel fulfilled and you may find your communication with your spouse and those around you change too. 

Love Languages:

Words of Affirmation

Acts of Service

Receiving Gifts

Quality Time

Physical Touch

For more information on this, check out www.5lovelanguages.com.

Remember- Each person gives and receives love in a different way. Your partner may or may not express the same concerns about different areas of your relationship, but I’m willing to bet you express them in different ways. Possibly you just need to express love in your partner’s language and you might see your whole world change?

I hope this post finds you healthy and I hope this can help increase your relationships in some way through this trying time.

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