Some of you may be wondering how things transpired from my divorce that I talked about in my first post to getting remarried and inheriting three stepchildren.

Well… ever heard of the TV show Wife Swap? That’s my story! My ex-husband is married to my now husbands’ ex-wife. Crazy story? YES! The best decision and story that has ever played out in our lives? YES!

Keep in mind while you read this blog post, I’m leaving out many details and barely scratching the surface of what happened. If I were to get into every detail that occurred, we would be here for a lifetime, and frankly some of the details are just too private to share with the world!

Once I found out about the affair my husband took part in and I moved to my parents’ house in the south, about two-three weeks had gone by and I started receiving messages from someone over social media.

This person was trying to get a hold of me to talk about a situation that they were being impacted by and trying to put pieces together so their story made sense. It was my now sister in law contacting me on her brother’s behalf as he was going through a pretty rough situation.

After letting down my guard and deciding to call her on the phone, an understanding of what had been going on over the past six plus months had come plummeting into my world.

I thought my situation was awful and life changing, but after talking to this woman I found out that this situation had impacted three little lives. On top of that, their father, Bill, was now finding out about the affair? Hearing this, made my situation even more of a heartbreaking one, but, oddly, also turned into a mutual and shareable situation. 

For some reason after talking to my now sister in law that night, I could breathe again! I don’t know if it was the fact of knowing someone else was going through this with me and I wasn’t alone, but I could breathe!

Day after day myself and my now sister in law, who was basically acting as the middleman for her brother, exchanged social media messages, texts, etc. I wanted to help her brother so desperately yet keep my distance. After all, I was going through a divorce and our spouses had, and were still having, an affair!

Looking back, I knew how far I’d come in my own short two-three-week period that had started before Bill ever found out about the affair. I encouraged Bill through his sister that things would get easier and quoted Joseph Campbell’s famous “We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” That quote became more powerful for us both than either of us knew. As time went on, Bill was encouraging me too.

One day, I was approached by Bill’s sister with the question of meeting Bill since I was coming back to the area to get some of my belongings from my house. Immediately I said, NO WAY! However, after a little time, I couldn’t help but think about those three children and thought how hard this must be for someone who had children to be going through. I mean I knew how hard it was for me and I was alone. Then, I made the decision that if there was ANYTHING I could do to help solidify the decision that Bill was making and give encouragement that his new path of divorce was the right thing to do, I would!

That was the start of where I am now! We did meet for a coffee and we talked for a few hours to try to make sense of our lives, histories with the affair, and so on. That was it, we talked that night as true and genuine supporters of each other. We both truthfully thought that night would be the only time we would ever see each other, knowing we could be a support system for one another via phone call, text, or email; however, I was never coming back to the area after that weekend and he clearly had his plate full of all his baggage!

We thanked each other that night and said our goodbye’s. We were both too preoccupied with the overwhelming feelings of our lives crashing down to think any other way.

The next morning, before going to pick up my belongings, I did call him because I was nervous, mad, sad and just needed to hear that it was all normal and that it would be ok. He is one person who could truly understand every emotion in that moment that I was feeling. I didn’t need to explain or try to choose my words- he just understood since he was going through the same thing. From that day forward we began talking daily and so here we are 8 plus years later.

I have to say love does truly happen when you least expect it. Let me tell you- there was nothing, nadda, zero romantic feelings that night we met except an extreme feeling of someone being there for me who felt the same way I did- broken! We both had other priorities- my life was a mess and the last thing I wanted was a boyfriend let alone a boyfriend and 3 kids (and another dog).

Turns out, I went through the biggest mess that brought me the biggest joy of my life! Within 2 months we knew that we were totally in love and that we would look like whackos to anyone else. Within 4 months I met his children in person as we knew we had to be solid before even involving them. Within 6 months we were engaged (with his children’s approval and my parent’s blessing), 7 months we moved in together, and month 9 we were married. Here we are almost 9 years later, and we have never been happier! For the other two well as far as I know they are married too. Happily? I have no clue and really don’t propose that question very often.

I promise you this story was not as easy as it sounded. It was easy for me and Bill since the moment we met, but it was never easy dealing with outsiders’ opinions, views, and divorced situations. Our families and friends looked at us like we had lost our minds, and with every right… this was crazy. The story itself is crazy let alone our speedy solidity into a marriage. We, many times, were told that we were rebounds for each other. We were reminded often of the situation we were in and that I would never be ‘rid’ of my ex-husband because my ex would always be in Bill’s kids’ lives. I was willing to intake it all if it meant I had Bill and his kids in my life.

Like I said in the beginning, this has turned out to be the best story and the best thing that has ever happened to us.

I’ve learned we never see the big messes as being good when they happen, and we can never understand how something so terrible can happen to good people. 

I now see big messes as bringing something great… the mess may be devastating but in that- there must be some good. Maybe not in the way we had first imagined it or planned, but the way it was planned for us before we even knew it! If you would have told me everything happens for a reason when I was knee deep in divorce land, I would have never believed it. But something amazing came of my mess and now I can see that everything really does happen for a reason!

The moral of this story is- have faith, patience, and be willing to let go of the life that you planned so you can have the life ahead of you!